The sun is shining and it is Easter morning. I woke up in tears, a hangover from my conversation with Shelby yesterday, when I AGAIN get accused of various and sundry things that are currently ruining her life. That is an overstatement, but it feels that way to me. Why do I always put everything on her….. expecting her to “move on “, not invite her to Easter so she is feeling left out, defending Riley and on and on. I try to be conciliatory, ask her what I can do to help “us” move on, and the conversation circles back to all the “mistakes” I’ve made in the past. I feel like I don’t even have a daughter, just the ghost of holiday trauma. I exist to be her whipping post. No matter how hard I try it is never right. She selects out of context things I say and uses them against me. Ugh. I am becoming emotionally depleted and feel like I don’t even want to try anymore. Of course , that goes against my personal nature, but I believe I will have to “take a stand” and if she wants to have a relationship with me, she’ll have to pursue it. I am so so so tired of working to make it right, that I have no energy left.
