Its a glorious sunny day. I wish I felt better, but I’m sure that I will feel better as the day progresses. I have an emotional hangover from my conversation with Shelby yesterday, receiving the brunt of her frustrations, and as always, I’m the “bad guy”……. asking her to move on, defending Riley, not inviting her to Easter, believing what Jody said about Riley, and on and on and on in a circular fashion to the point of feeling physical pain. I have not emotional energy to even try any more. Perhaps this is one of those instances that I need to totally give up. It goes against my personal nature, but I do admit I am powerless over this one. I guess that if she wants a relationship with me, she’ll have to instigate it. I can’t go on like this. Its beyond an emotional roller coster. At least that implicates that there are “ups”. I haven’t felt that way with her in ages. She is self centered and cannot imagine anyone elses plights or postitions. I am sorry for this.
I had a really nice conversation with Shelby my brother last night. He gave me lots of positive feedback and is one of the people in my life that really knows what I’ve had to deal with….. the death of a brother, divorce of my parents, the craziness of my mother, alcohlism of my husband and on and on and on.
I will ready myself for church. I have to read today. I need hope and joy right now in my life.
